Sawyer Shepard - The Butcher, The Savior The Commander
by DarkAislinn2012
Summary: He is a powerful Vanguard who grew up on Mindoir then joined the Alliance when he was eighteen. During his service he became infamous for his ruthless calculus in difficult situations and he's known as the Butcher of Torfan during the Blitz.
1. Cerberus Bastards

"You still don't get it, do you? You're not in charge of this mission. _I_ am." Sawyer said, a smirk pulling up at the corner of his lips, crossing his arms behind his back and looking at the Cerberus woman in a white skin-tight outfit and the dark-skinned man garbed in a standard Cerberus uniform. "This is _my _ship. I decide when we go somewhere. I decide who we recruit. I decide who will be groundside. I decided who stays on this ship or who gets left on a remote planet. The Illusive Man may think he holds all the cards because he brought me back, but you have to learn that we do things _my _way, not a terrorist's way." The Cerberus woman opened her mouth to speak, presumably to defend Cerberus, and he held up a hand, his cobalt eyes slicing into her and her mouth shut immediately. "I don't give a flying pyjacks ass what you have to say. I _know_ what I witnessed firsthand and I had to deliver the news, personally, to family members because of the sick and twisted shit Cerberus did. I don't trust Cerberus but I am willing to give you, as individuals, a chance for me to trust you. Dismissed."

Miranda Lawson, the leader of the Lazarus Project, acted as if she wanted to say something but instead strode off angrily towards the elevator, ignoring the red-headed woman standing near the Galaxy Map. Jacob Taylor, a biotic with semi-impressive skills but still lacking though he was a decent shot but he was no Garrus, hesitated for a moment. Shepard quirked a dark brow at him, a silent question and the dark man saluted.

"Sir, I just want to say that regardless of Cerberus' past history I won't let you down. I wasn't a part of what they did and I don't agree with it. It was wrong both ethically and morally. I figured you should know." Sawyer smiled him and clapped him on the shoulder in camaraderie.

"Glad to hear it. I'd be disappointed if I found out that you actively took part, willingly, in the horrors that I encountered. In any case, I need to get to know the ship and I need to pay Joker a visit. I'll find you later." Jacob tilted his head in acknowledgment and walked off towards what Sawyer presumed was the armory based off of the Intel he had received from the ships AI to whom the crew called EDI. He reserved judgment of it until he could read the information about the intrusive thing.

Joker turned around in his seat, a smile splitting his face. "Look at this, Shepard! _Leather_ seats! It's my baby, better then new! The military may set the hardware standard on a first gen fuckin' frigate but this is civilian comfort sector by design. It fits me like a glove!" he exclaimed, rubbing the arms of his seat affectionately. The blue orb called EDI popped up.

"The reproduction was not intended to be perfect, Mister Moreau. Seamless improvements were made."

Joker frowned, his face contorting into a mix between angry and sad. Sawyer fought the urge to laugh, but at the seriousness of his expression he held back. "And there is the downside. Now it's got this thing I don't even wanna fuckin' talk about. It's like goddamn ship cancer. I liked the Normandy when she was beautiful and quiet," he moaned with a sigh, a nostalgic look gracing his sharp features.

"It's just a copy," Shepard sighed quietly. "There's nothing here that was even part of the real Normandy." Joker's eyes widened and his jaw fell open, an incredulous look of there ever was one.

"Hey, there's us! I have to take what I can fuckin' get. Don't worry, Shepard; you'll see. This will be better than the old days even if an AI is spying on us." Sawyer eyed him with what could only be described as a look of dubiousness. He pulled his lips back against his teeth, the dimples in his cheeks giving him a boyish look before he answered dryly.

"I hope so. I died." Joker rolled his eyes and turned his seat back around to helm the ship.

"Gah! You're such a downer," he tossed over his shoulder as Sawyer walked away shaking his head with a smile. It was good to have Joker aboard the Normandy. He was the only bright thing in Shepard's life at the moment given the fact that two years had passed for everyone he cared about.

He didn't remember much of an afterlife but every now and then snippets of his time between Heaven and where he was now would invade his memory, taking over his mind of their own accord. Maybe it wasn't Heaven but he liked to think of that way; it was peaceful, warm and it had been a bright, colorful place that he hadn't wanted to leave.

_A bright figure had approached him as he had sat in a field, breathing in the scent of lavender and soaking up the warm rays of the sun. He had turned to it in curiosity, not recognizing the figure but the warmth and peaceful presence the figure emanated gave him cause to pause. _

"_Brian," the figure said, its voice deep, comforting and above all soft. It shifted so it could sit down next to him, crossing its legs in a similar fashion to his own position. "I've watched you for a very long time." _

_Without a doubt he knew that this figure, this _presence_, beside him was God, the Holy Ghost, the Trinity, the Alpha and Omega that transcended time, space and everything in between. _

"_Why? I'm no one special," he said, looking out over the field. _

"_But you are," God admonished. "You are the Savior of the Galaxy that I created. You are the Salvation for all of the life that I created." Sawyer shook his head and looked at the figure beside him. _

"_Then why? Why have you let the destruction of past civilizations happen?" God looked at him, tilting His head as He considered His words._

"_It was part of My plan. You have always been a part of that plan. You, like my son and countless others, will lead the others into the battle that awaits. I cannot accompany you; My battle is still in the distant future. Know, my child, that your time is not over and you will be the Salvation to the ones you hold dear." Sawyer looked at Him questioningly before He placed His hand on his arm. _

After that he had woken in a lab on a cold, hard, albeit old school science, table with Miranda yelling at him to grab his "weapon and armor". It had been disorienting to say the least, but he had to sort through the past, his transcendence into the afterlife and back to the present, much to his dismay. He was sure there were parts that he was missing but –

"Commander," the red head woman exclaimed, her happiness putting his thoughts on the back burner so to speak. She was cute with her short hair, apple green eyes and smooth skin. If most of the women on the shiny, new Normandy looked like her, he could get used to it; no doubt in his mind. He was a flesh and blood man after all, despite the minor hiccup of being dead. "Yeomen Kelly Chambers at your service, sir. I am your secretary mixed with the ship counselor and anything else may need." When she looked down in embarrassment at her outburst he let his eyes rake over her, taking in her slight form and the swell of her breasts beneath her Cerberus (-10 brownie points his sister, Jane, would have laughed with a wink; she was his alter ego despite how he tried to ignore her) uniform before she looked at him again and being the polite, he thought, man that he was he snapped his eyes up to hers.

"Yeomen? Isn't that a task better suited for a VI?" She shrugged her smile back in place, her white teeth bared in barely contained excitement.

"Perhaps, but I was handpicked by the Illusive Man himself," she puffed her chest out slightly as if she was proud of the fact. "My official role is to inform you of new messages, relay important messages and such but I'm mostly here to unofficially observe the crew and alert you to anything that might endanger the mission."

"So you're a psychiatrist? I don't really like people watching me that closely, Miss. Chambers," he said sternly. The last thing he needed was for someone to watch his every move and analyze his behavior. She shook her head quickly.

"I'm a Psychology major. My job is to gauge the reactions of the crew. If they seem like they are having doubts or dealing with personal problems that could have an adverse reaction to the mission then I am supposed to tell you. For example, if Joker – excuse me, Jeff – throws his hat down in anger whilst screaming at EDI and stalks off from his position at the helm then I contact you. I cannot interact with the crew as you would. I am here to simply listen to their problems, give them advice and point them in your direction."

That sounded reasonable even if a bit invasive, but it was something he would deal with until it grew out of hand.

_**If**__ it grows out of hand. _

Jane, you're still here? He could almost see her "Ike face" and forced himself to hide the smile that wanted to erupt on his face.

_Of course! _She exclaimed, as if it was direct insult to her. _I'm your older sister. I'm here to bug and annoy you until the end of time, o' little brother of mine._

"Is there anything else I can help you with? You have like a thousand unread messages at your terminal." Kelly said, breaking into his thoughts. She tilted her attractive head towards his "private" terminal, giving him a coquettish smile that he, partially, wish to explore the meaning of further.

"That'll be all." He turned and walked a few paces, his index finger hovering over the "Enter" button that highlighted Councilor Anderson's message. His brow furrowed, his tongue slipping out to lick at the dryness of his bottom lip, with his pulse sped up past the point of normal for an average human.

_You're not average, if you hadn't noticed; fucker._ He rolled his eyes at his sister's attempt at dry humor.

You're not nearly as funny as Garrus.

_Or hot. Damn, give me five minutes with that Turian and – _

Seriously, Jane? I really don't wanna know this.

_What?! He's fucking hot. Even you can't deny it. _She laughed, the throaty sound echoing in his mind. _He's tall, he's got _that_ voice and he's just, well, fuckin' Garrus goddamn Vakarian._

He hit the button, effectively cutting off his dead sister's voice, his eyes flitting over the message from Councilor Anderson.

**Shepard – **

**On the off chance that the rumors are true, and you actually are alive, I need you to come and talk to me on the Citadel. A lot has changed in the last two years. You put me on the Council, and it's only fair that you be allowed to speak for yourself about what we've been hearing.**

**Councilor David E. Anderson**

**Representative of Earth and her Colonies**

**Recognized as Admiral David Edward Anderson of the Alliance Navy.**

Shit.

_Looks as though we get to go to the Citadel! _

Yippie-fucking-skippy.

_Joker's right. You are a downer. Fuck it, go to Omega first to get Archangel then go see Anderson._

Good idea. 

_I'm always right. _She drifted off into silence as he read the rest of his messages, haphazardly ignoring the ones from TIM. He didn't trust him and could care less what he had to say about anything. He also made a mental note to not wear the Kestral armor.

Given his luck, it was rigged to explode if he disobeyed an order.

Fucking Cerberus.


	2. Garrus Vakarian and Natalie Evans

"The damage to him was extensive. Chakwas did what she could with cybernetics and her limited supply of dextro medicine."

Sawyer paced back and forth in front of Jacob, his face expressionless except for the fact that his lips were pulled down slightly and that his tanned hands, which gripped his arms that crossed over his chest, were white from lack of circulation. "He'll be fine, he'll be fine."

"He'll be fine," he repeated softly for the umpteenth time. "He's tough." Inside, his body was thrumming with anxiety and his mind was replaying the scene of him lying in his blue blood, gurgling his apologies at not being able to follow him until the end. Garrus was a good friend, his best friend if he had ever had one before and more than that, he was a brother to him. If Garrus died because he wasn't fast enough to stop the gunship he would hunt down every single merc band from Citadel space to the Terminus systems and everywhere in between.

This is precisely why he pushed people away, or tried to at least. Loss was his downfall and there was no tourniquet tight enough to cut off the pain. Even after over ten years he still heard his sister in his mind like she was real and though the rational, sane, part of him knew that she wasn't he couldn't bring himself to admit it because he was afraid she would leave him in silence, left only to his own thoughts which were, at times, dark and dangerous. She was the light to his dark; she was the good to his otherwise watered down evil.

"Commander, you saw him. You should prepare yourself for the worst." Sawyer's light blue eyes flickered dangerously, sparking with such emotion that Jacob took a step back worried that perhaps he had over-stepped his boundary with his new Commander.

_He'll be fine, Sawyer. When has Big G let anything slow him down?_

His brow furrowed and swallowed reflexively. You think so? You really believe that?

_You underestimate how much I actually know despite being dead, dear brother. _

He didn't have time to understand her mysterious words before the door opened and Garrus entered looking worse for wear, but alive. He looked drain and pale, his plates tense under his armor. But his look relaxed when he laid eyes on Sawyer, his good mandible flicking outwards in a half smile.

"Tough son of a bitch. I didn't think you'd be up yet," Jacob said, stepping forwards to officially introduce himself and shook his hand firmly. "Jacob Taylor, I man the armory and if there's anything you need just let EDI or Kelly know and I'll be more than willing to do it." Garrus gave the man a curt nod, his eyes sliding back to Shepard and Jacob took that cue to leave.

"Chakwas and your Kelly wouldn't give me a mirror. They said I was still devastatingly handsome." Sawyer laughed, relief rushing through him at his best friends humor.

"Fuck, Garrus. You were always ugly. Just slap some of that blue paint on there and you'll be right as rain." Garrus' head tipped back, his mandibles flaring outward and gave a bark of laughter that rumbled up through his chest.

"Ah, I guess it's for the best. The ladies were always hitting on me. Figured that you needed a chance," he replied before touching his face and wincing. "Damn. Don't make me laugh. My fucking face is barely holding together as is."

_I'd fuck that face. _

Jane! Fucking really? I don't need to know this_._

_Disappearing now_. Her laughter echoed in his head and he rolled his eyes. When he looked back at the tall Turian in front of him he was giving him amused look, his brow plated raised slightly.

"Jane still running rampant in there?" He motioned towards Sawyer's head. He exhaled, blowing out a puff of air and leaned his hip against the table.

"You know it." He'd only ever told a few people, willingly, about Jane. Garrus was one of them as well as Tali and Wrex. Liara had learned through the mind melding that was required for her to figure out where the Conduit was which turned out to be on Ilos and not the smoothest mission he'd ever been on, though he'd certainly has worse. He'd never even told Ashley and he'd been romantically involved with her, despite his affection leaning towards another woman, an alien confined to a suit her whole life. If Tali had given him even the slightest hint that she was interested, well, his time on the SR-1 would have been completely different.

"I have to ask, Sawyer. Cerberus? I-I'm not questioning you, I trust you through hell and high water, but do you remember what we saw them doing to their own people and then Admiral Kahoku?" Garrus' voice broke through his thoughts, reining him in from thoughts that were unfair to think about. His tone wasn't accusatory, but more like brotherly concern. He was worried that perhaps his maybe his memories had been altered.

"I remember, clearly. I don't trust them as far as I can throw them and that's one of the reasons that I wanted you with me. If I'm gonna walk into hell, I want Garrus fucking Vakarian by my side," his lips pulling up at the corners and nodding at him.

"You do realize this plan has my ass walking into hell to, right? Eh, if I'm going to go out I want to go out with a bang and might as well do it in style; you're suicide missions are classy at least." Sawyer laughed.

"Alright, take your smart ass to the forward battery. I don't want Cerberus fucking with our guns." Garrus have him a mock salute.

"I love calibrations. It's all sorts of sexy," he tossed over his shoulder as the door closed behind him.

It was good to have Garrus back.

"Commander!" Kelly called, waving him over as he made his way through the CIC to make sure that Joker hadn't disabled the Normandy's AI yet. He gritted his teeth and turned towards her; he really just wanted to check on Joker then go to his cabin to rest before the next mission to pick up a Krogan.

"Yeoman Chambers," he greeted. She blushed and her hands fluttered at her side in nervousness.

"Please, call me Kelly." His brows raised in surprise and gave her a warm smile.

"Okay, Kelly." A giggle escaped her lips before she regained her composure, pointing to his message terminal.

"I was told to inform you that there is a new dossier waiting for you to look over." He flipped on his omni-tool and brought up the information asking Kelly what her psych profile said.

**Dossier of: **

**Natalie Evans**

**Family: ****No known family.**

**Class: ****Infiltrator; sniper rifle favored weapon. **

**Natalie is a strong willed woman with a love for all species. She is highly trained in all weapons and scenarios. Has a background in the Alliance as well as the United States Army. Was stationed on Luna for a short time. Worked for C-Sec on the Citadel before leaving and has been in the Terminus systems since. **

"Her background is surprisingly obscure, at least post Alliance and Army, but from what I am able to tell she is a fairly shy woman. She can be outspoken on subjects that are close to her heart as she actively took part in the petition to let different species join each other's militaries. She was honorably discharged from the Alliance, as well as the Army, and has enough medals, surprising for her age, that if she were to melt them down and turn them into coins they would drop the Normandy onto a planet. She was on Elysium and almost repelled the attack by herself. She's also a graduate of the N7 program, no easy feat as you well know. As her dossier says, she has no family but she was um," Kelly coughed, suddenly looking unsure if she should continue. "Well, she was born on Mindoir."

"How old is she?" The only other people he had ever encountered who had been from Mindoir were either slaves or ones who had never been able to get past what happened and ended up in the hospital.

"Six months younger that you actually. She's was born in October of twenty-one fifty-four."

"Why was she discharged from the Alliance?" Kelly smirked at him.

"She bypassed chain of command, which would normally result in being chaptered out, and went to Hackett during your chase for Saren and demanded that more action should be taken. After her requested was denied Hackett had her honorably discharged at her request. After that she went to the Citadel and joined C-Sec. she has had past interactions with Garrus since she was his partner before he left for Omega. Perhaps you should talk to him; he could probably give you more insight into her than I can at this point."

"That'll be all," he said quickly, turning his back to the woman and hurried to the elevator forgetting that he was going to make sure Joker was playing nice with the AI. He was frustrated that Kelly hadn't just told him outright that Garrus had worked with her, closely as it seemed, instead of running around in circles before laying that on him.

This woman, Natalie, sounded like the best damn recruitment so far outside of Garrus and Mordin.

He strode to the gun battery, slapping his palm against the panel. Garrus had his back turned to him when he entered, his fingers dancing over the console in front of him.

"Tell me about Natalie Evans," Sawyer said gruffly, flopping down onto a crate of ammo. Garrus' movements stilled, his mandibles fluttering at his jaw in what Sawyer knew was nervousness. Interesting.

"What do you want to know?" The Turian turned away from his task, crossing his arms over his broad chest.

"She's next on the dossier. You worked with her, what's she like?" Garrus looked thoughtful for a moment, pausing to gather his thoughts before answering.

"She's strong and she doesn't let anything stand in her way. She's a bit of a paragon though, not that that's a bad thing, but she always tries to do the good thing, the right thing. She's tough," he said, his mandibles flaring out in an affectionate smile. "She was the only one who understood about my leaving C-Sec. She was happy about it, eventually, when I told her that I was sick of all the red tape, but she doesn't make rash decisions, she thinks about her actions and her words before doing anything. She'll be a great asset to the crew."

There was something in the way he spoke about her that alluded to something as more than just mere partners at C-Sec. Sawyer's curiosity got the better of him. "Were you seeing her?" Garrus looked at him.

"I saw her every day," he deadpanned, but the quirk of his mandibles gave him away. Sawyer's jaw dropped in shock. He'd never pegged Garrus was one to be into another species outside his own, let alone a human.

"Dude, details." Garrus laughed and rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment. It was the universal male sign that they wanted to talk about it, divulge the information, but there were feelings involved and it wasn't just sex so they didn't want to go into detail about everything.

"She was assigned as my partner right after you died. I've never had a human fetish, but she was different. She listened to me when I spoke. She didn't talk when I ranted about the Alliance's bullshit over your death or C-Sec being a pain in my ass, she would just nod. One night, though, she was having some sort of party at her place and she invited me telling me to "loosen up and pull the stick from my ass". I went, fully expecting to hate the whole thing but it was fun. There were a lot of people from C-Sec, her friends from the Alliance and Army showed up too. After a few drinks she disappeared and I went to look for her.

"I found her sitting on her bed and she was just staring at the wall. I knew her well enough to know that something was bothering her. She was thinking about Mindoir and broke down on me, crying about her family that died. I comforted her, it was awkward, but after that… I don't know. We got closer and friendship turned into something more and eventually we figured out how to make cross-species sex work. The only reason I didn't want to leave C-Sec was because of her, but after she thought about it she told me that maybe it would do me some good to get away."

"Have you spoken to her since?" Garrus huffed out a sigh and rubbed the good side of his face.

"Not – no. On Omega things were different and it was better that she didn't know what I was doing." Sawyer looked at his friend for a moment, questioning whether he should pick her up or not. In the end, having the best damn crew to fight the Collectors won out. He couldn't afford to let relationships get in the way. Besides, Garrus looked pretty miserable that he hadn't talked to her in so long. "For all I know," Garrus said, his mandibles clenching against his jaw, his eyes looking down at the floor and swallowing. "For all I know she's found someone else."

"Look, you're my friend and I don't want this to be weird for you, but if you'd rather stay on the Normandy when I go then I won't begrudge you that. Eventually she's going to find out you're here, but maybe it would be good for her to see a face that she recognizes instead of three strangers asking her to join them in a suicide mission." Garrus didn't answer right away, not the Sawyer expected him too; if the roles were reversed he knew he'd be feeling the same thing, but since he was the Commander he didn't have that luxury.

"No, I want to go. You're right."

"Good man," he said, standing up and clapping his hand down on his shoulder.

Getting to her had not been as smooth as they had expected. They'd had to fight off varren, klixin, and more than a few waves of various mercenaries. When they finally reached her she smiled at them, her face flushed from the fight, her eyes bright with excitement. Her hair was plastered to her face with sweat, but Sawyer instantly understood what Garrus had seen in her. She was a fiery vixen.

She was very attractive. Her hair was a chocolate brown with natural golden highlights that flowed in waves down her back, curling against her shoulder blades. Her eyes were the brightest green he had ever seen, lined with dark lashes that exuded sultry. She wasn't slight in size, but she was by no means huge either. Her hips flared wide, her waist was trim with minimal flab, and her breasts were quite large for her size. She wasn't short, but still shorter than him though he stood at six foot three and he gauged her height to be five foot eight, at least.

When they had approached her, crouching behind cover to avoid the flying bullets she had barely paid them any attention. Her eyes had been focused on her target. She had lifted her rifle against her left shoulder (interesting – she as left handed), closed her right eye, inhaled and squeezed the trigger landing a perfect headshot; one that rivaled Garrus' expertise.

Sawyer had cocked a brow at his friend who rolled his eyes, flipping him off. After the last body fell to the ground with an audible "thud", blood squirting out of the hole in his head, Shepard had stood and walked towards her.

"Natalie Evans?"

She grinned at him, her eyes darting to the N7 insignia on his armor and instantly stuck her hand out eagerly. "That would be me," she acknowledged, her voice deep and sultry mixed with a slight lilt that he didn't catch since it was so subtle. He shook her hand then pulled off his breather, holding it in the crook of his arm.

"Commander Shepard," he greeted properly. He turned to his companions. "This is Mordin Solus and Garrus Vakarian." Her green eyes snapped to Garrus' hulking form in surprise. Since he was still wearing his helmet it was obvious that she hadn't known it was him. After a moment, she pulled her eyes away and once again focused on Sawyer, taking in his face carefully.

"Last I heard you got spaced. How can I be certain that it's really you?" She asked as she walked around him in a circle; inspecting him. He suddenly felt the urge to snap into a salute which his squashed quickly, he certainly didn't want this woman to make him feel like a private on his first duty station though he wondered what her rank had been in the Alliance based on how she eyed him like it was as natural as breathing. He guessed her rank had been higher than his and again he squashed the urge to salute at her; damn her, he liked her already and again was fully aware at how his best friend had fallen for her. Garrus removed his helmet, mimicking Shepard's position.

"It's him." She slid her eyes towards Garrus, clasping her hands behind her back in a manner that strongly reminded Shepard of Admiral Hackett before smiling at him softly, her eyes fluttering downwards before looking at him again.

"Perhaps I believe you and the company you keep. What brings you all the way out here?" Her hands motioned to the desolate planet behind her, save for the little shabby building that one could only surmise was where she had been living.

"I'm gunning for the Collectors who are-"

"An enigmatic species that are taking human colonists and dragging them to their home world, for God only knows what purpose, yes; I'm well aware of what they are doing and why you're spearheading the destruction of the species, but that's not what I asked, is it?"

_Feisty. I _like_ her, Sawyer. And she's _very _well informed._

Sawyer had to agree with his sister. For someone whose dossier claimed that she had no ties to any military installment she sure did know an awful lot about his current mission or perhaps she was just that intelligent, he hadn't decided yet. Still, her attitude, once again, gave hint that she had been well above a Lieutenant Commander if the way she questioned him was any indication. Though, being the man that he was, he raised his dark brows at her, his back straightening in indignation.

"I'm here to recruit you," he said flatly, his ego a bit burned by her superior attitude. If she were to be on his crew then she needed to learn, and fast, who was truly in charge. Her face lit up, her face splitting into a grin. "But," he cut in at her gleeful expression. "The Normandy is my ship and I won't have someone trying to usurp my power. I don't know all of your history, but I know enough. If you come aboard then you surrender all rank and agree to follow my orders." An expression blossomed over her heart shaped face and she looked at him, soaking in his words.

"I would never question you, Shepard. If you know my history then you know why I was discharged from the Alliance." It wasn't a question. It was a statement. It wasn't meant to be challenging; but merely a fact. She obviously knew enough about him that she knew he would not go out of his way to recruit someone so long as he believed they would bring the best to the fight.

"Good, grab your shit and follow us back to the Normandy." He waited for her to dart off to her broken home but when she grabbed an assault pack, a duffle bag and her flick slinging them over her body he knew that she was ready.

She decided to haul up in the crew's quarters since she was most accustomed to sleeping with others in the same room and with her prior military service it felt normal to be surrounded by the soft snores or tossing and turning at night.

She unpacked her bags and realized that there wasn't much that she owned since she had traded her life as a C-Sec officer for someone who lived out in the Terminus systems. As she pulled her minimal belongings out of her duffle bag her thoughts drifted to Garrus who was just across the ship. On a whim, she set aside her bag and made her way to him.

She wanted an explanation, a reason as to why he fell of the grid and never bothered to contact her. She had felt that there was something there between them but the closer she got to the gun battery she worried that maybe it had just been her own feelings clouding her judgment. Perhaps he had indulged himself in a relationship with her simply because he was in need of things he couldn't get on the Citadel. He didn't make it to Palaven very often so maybe… well, she wanted to know nonetheless.

If he felt nothing for her then she would move on, nurse her hurt in private and bury it when out on the battlefield. With a mission as important as this she couldn't let her personal feelings get in the way.

She hesitated for a moment before laying her hand against the panel. Against her better judgment to just leave it well enough alone, which was not something that she did often, she palmed the door.

It opened to Garrus' back and she breathed in a silent, nervous breath before stepping in and sidling up to his side, peaking over his arm at whatever he was doing. He jumped slightly at her presence. Perhaps he was hoping it was Shepard.

"Nat," he murmured. She let his deep dual-toned voice wash over her. It had been so long since he had said her name. Her green eyes looked up at him, taking in his appearance and a frown developed over her smooth light skin. She had the immediate urge to reach up and touch his bandage, but dug her nails into her palms and jerked around, settling herself on the box of ammo nearest the door. She crossed one leg over the other, leaning her back against the wall.

"Garrus," she mimicked, a smile pulling at her lips when his mandibles twitched in amusement. He abandoned his task to turn to her, fixing her with a look that melted all of the bones in her body leaving her feeling like jelly. She twined her fingers together to keep them from twisting nervously. "How've you been?"

His shoulders jerked in an approximation of a human shrug. "Oh, you know me. Causing trouble at every chance that I get." She breathed out a laugh and shook her head. Almost as fast as her laughter started it ended. She licked her lips and looked up at him, a question in her eyes that burned through his body, scorching his every fiber of him.

"I missed you," she said softly, her eyes falling away from him down to her clasped hands. He saw her swallow; the slight crinkles of her skin as her face contorted into sadness before quickly smoothing back out as she closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. He wanted to say something, anything; to make what he did better but his voice wouldn't work. At his silence she stood up, brushing off her clothes at the invisible lint; when she looked back at him her eyes were void of the emotion that he knew they could hold in them. "Anyway," she whispered, coughing to clear her throat. "I mainly came in here because I wanted to see how you've been since I haven't heard from you in almost a year."

As she turned away from him and headed for the door he wanted to reach out and grab her, swing her around to him and run his talons through her hair that held hints of sunshine but instead he found himself rooted to the spot, unable to move.

He wasn't sure how to fix their relationship, if they could fix it or if he even wanted to fix it. He was a bad Turian, a failed C-Sec officer and a vigilante who got his squad killed on Omega. She deserved someone better than him, a better man than he could ever be.

But as she walked away, her hair curling around her shoulder blades, her wide hips barely swaying with her walk and the slump of her shoulders he knew that he loved her and damn if he wouldn't try.


	3. Nat's History

It was a habit and perhaps a bad habit, he had as an afterthought, that he visited his crew after every mission. He wanted to hear if anything new was happening, if there was anything that could affect the mission that needed to be nipped in the bud before it spiraled out of control.

Joker seemed to be getting along with the new AI, sort of, but had angered the intelligence by smearing grease on her – _its_ – bridge cameras. Sawyer tried not to laugh and failed.

Miranda was a noncommittal as usual, not that he expected anything less. She was still sore at him for expressing his opinion of Cerberus but at least she had felt comfortable enough, or maybe she felt she owed him since she rebuilt him from scratch almost, to tell him about her genetic tailoring. To someone else it might have pulled at their heart-strings but to him it came out as a "poor me" not that he didn't appreciate her honesty, but she was the one person on the ship he trusted the least. She openly admitted that she reported to TIM and essentially told him, in her nicest terms, that she still didn't trust him.

Kasumi was as weird as usual, but still considerably more delightful than Miranda.

Jacob was, well… less conversational as Miranda, to say the least. He got pissy with him when he questioned whether or not he and Miranda had a past which made Shepard angry. It was his business to know whether past relationships would hamper or, in the most unlucky of cases, endanger the mission.

Garrus was busy with calibrations, waving Sawyer off saying, "Dammit man, if I mess this up, the whole damn ship could explode!" To which Sawyer had retreated strategically, keeping his footfalls quiet. The last thing he needed was another Normandy to blow up on him especially by Garrus' hands. It had the potential to be worse than the Collector attack; as in, a supernova explosion with no coming back from that. Ever.

Mordin hadn't wanted to talk and effectively shooed him off by saying, "Trying to discover how scale itch made its way aboard the Normandy. Sexually transmitted disease only carried by varren," he paused, inhaling deeply; his eyes never leaving his console. "Implications… unpleasant." Sawyer had shuddered; his face contorted into disgust and promptly left his workspace.

Zaeed grunted at him, not bothering to put his copy of Fornax down and winked at Shepard as he backed away in horror.

He shook his head, trying to shake that image from his mind as he made his way to the newest member of the crew. He hadn't been able to have a true conversation with her since they picked her up. He was delaying his other dossiers as an act of obvious rebellion against TIM, but could give a shit less. Besides, it gave Mordin a little extra time to find a countermeasure of the seeker swarms.

He entered the crew quarter's finding it surprisingly empty except for Natalie who was tucked up on her bunk, her eyes focused on her data pad; her eyes glistening and her lips pulled tight against her face. She jumped almost a foot in the air with a cry when he said he name, her data pad clattering to the hard floor as her hand pressed over her heart.

"Geeze Louise," she breathed, her eyes focusing on him, wide with fear that was quickly subsiding. "You scared the ever livin' outta me." He couldn't suppress the laugh that erupted from him, his hand covering his mouth to try and hide his mirth but the damage was done as she glared at him from beneath dark lashes.. "It's really not funny, Shepard."

"If you could have seen your face," he smiled, turning a chair around and sitting in it backwards, leaning his muscled arms over the back of it, his blue eyes catching her green ones. "It was hilarious." Her left brow popped up in slight amusement.

"I'm sure," she replied dryly, leaning over to grab her data pad. Again he caught the subtle twang in her voice. Kelly had said she was born and raised on Mindoir and to his knowledge not many from that colony had a southern accent.

"Alright, I gotta ask. Kelly and Garrus," he paused at the look that flittered over her face at the mention of his best friend. _You might need to smack the dumbass out of him,_ Jane broke into his conversation. He brushed her away and continued his inquiry. "They said that you are from Mindoir, but I can't place your accent." She shrugged, tucking her data pad into her assault pack carefully before looking at him again; her expression thoughtful, her eyes far away.

"Like you, I was loaded onto a shuttle leaving everything behind on Mindoir. They took us to Earth, as you remember, and separated us out. Did you ever figure that out? I thought maybe it was because they didn't want us interacting with one another too much for fear that we'd just become vegetables. Either way," she shrugged although her movement was anything but uncaring and Sawyer felt her pain. He understood, more than he cared to admit actually. Hearing someone else talk about it, someone who hadn't been a slave or forced into a mental institution was different, nice even. "Some shuttles went north, east or west. Mine went south and ended up in Georgia; in the US which is how I first joined the military." She smiled ruefully.

"I absorb accents so I don't doubt for a moment that I carried it with me. I doubt it's in my record but I lied about my age. I told them I was eighteen when I was sixteen which is how I joined the Army."

"How'd you get away with that? Lying to the military is a hard feat." She lowered her brows and cast him that could only be described as her calling him a "dumbass".

"All of the records from Mindoir were destroyed, you know that, so there's no real record of my actual birthday. If there was, it was so corrupted that they didn't even question it. My deep thinking got me far, even if I was only with the Army for two years but my company Commander gave me a decorated recommendation when I told him I was planning on joining the Alliance." She twisted the covers in her fingers, tying them into intricate knots before speaking again, seemingly lost in her thoughts. When she looked up her eyes were far away, unfocused as if she was lost in her memories. "When I joined the Army I went in as a Corporal. I rose in rank quickly and when I left it to go Arcturus I was an E-6 or Staff Sergeant if you don't know much about Army ranks.

"When I joined the Alliance I came in as a Gunnery Chief before I went to school and came out as a second Lieutenant but after Elysium I was promoted to Commander and then when I finally got tired of the Alliance's bullshit and left I was a Major which is the only reason I held the rank I did at C-Sec and was partnered with Garrus. Then he left for Omega and after a few weeks of him being gone I left too. I went out into the Terminus systems to infiltrate slaving camps with a few others. That was a good feeling, freeing those slaves. Geeze, we must have freed almost a dozen. Most were human but occasionally we'd find some Turians, Asari and even a few Salarians. No Quarians though, their upkeep is too expensive since they can't live outside their suits.

"After one really bad camp and when I say bad, that's putting it lightly. It was like stumbling into a modern day Auschwitz. It was," she closed her eyes, breathing in a deep shuddering breath. Her fingers stopped their twisting and gripped the covers, her knuckles turning white. A quiet sob escaped her throat and when her eyes opened, they were swimming with tears. "horrible. They were starving the slaves, beating them, and executing them when they disobeyed. They were kept in slums and lived in their own filth. If they died from starvation or disease they just threw their bodies into a pit and burned them. There were children who looked at me with such a desperate plea to just die that," she swallowed, wiping at the tears on her cheeks. "when we finally rounded up every single slaver in that camp I ordered the crew to line them up against a wall and we killed them, slowly. I wanted them to suffer as much as those slaves had. I carved into their bodies, hacked chunks of meat from them, stripped their flesh from their bodies. I removed fingers, hands and other body parts before I finally slit their throats and I enjoyed the sounds they made as the life left their bodies.

"I'm not a violent person by nature but seeing what they did I didn't know who I was. I was filled with such rage and disgust that I turned off my emotions. Afterwards I vomited for what seemed like an eternity. I just-" she sobbed, burying her face in her hands and leaning forward over her legs, her body shaking.

In an instant Sawyer was up and sitting beside her, wrapping his arms around her and pulled her against his chest. She let him and slid her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder as he stroked his hand down her backing soothingly, not saying anything. There was nothing he could say to make it better. What she had seen he could only imagine. Mindoir was bad enough to have lived through, but to see a concentration camp of sorts was the final breaking point. If he had been in her position he knew, without a doubt, that he would have done the same damn thing.

Eventually she quieted, her breathing still choppy and pulled away from him, embarrassed. He shushed the apology on her lips and brushed the hair away from her face as he would a little girl and on impulse he kissed her forehead. She gave him a curious look and he shrugged, "I used to do it to my sister when she was upset. Old habits die hard I guess."

She settled back against her pillow and squeezed his hand when he got up and made his way to leave, wanting to give her some space. "Shepard," she said, giving him a small smile. "Thank you for being here and just listening. It means a lot."

"I'm always here if you need anything. And if there is anything else that you ever need, just let Kelly know."

The door shut behind him and took the elevator up to the CIC to plot the course to Purgatory. As he waited on a confirmation from Joker he closed his eyes, his chin tucked against his chest and prayed for Natalie, asking that God help her find Him and that He brings her comfort, guidance and peace in His embrace.

When Garrus and Natalie noticed that they were on the mission together Sawyer was worried for a moment that he had made a mistake, but they would have to deal with their problems outside of a mission and he wanted to see her skills in action. To his surprise they had nodded and smiled at each other saying, in unison, "Just like old times."

He shouldn't have been surprised, Jane had told him. Garrus was able to leave his personal feelings behind while on a mission and given Natalie's history she was too. They were soldiers to the bone and they knew how to separate personal from combat especially since the fate of the entire galaxy rested on their shoulders.

A bullet whizzed past Sawyer's head and he turned with an incredulous look, she could have shot him, at Natalie as she called out to Garrus, "I'm still better than you!" She then cloaked herself and ran up to an unsuspecting guard and blew a hole in his middle with her shotgun.

Another guard dropped to the ground as Sawyer leaned out at cover to fire his pistol at the barrier generator. "You wish, Evans!"

"We're in a firefight!" Sawyer cried, pulling a guard toward him and shot his had clean off with his shotgun, a satisfied smile gracing his handsome features.

Natalie incinerated a guard behind him, finishing him off with her SMG calling out, "You're welcome Shepard!" as Garrus overloaded the shields over a guard to the right of him taking the kill shot, the guards left side of his face flying off, splattering him in his blood and brains. "I love this rifle!"

"Just give up Shepard! You can't win this!" Kuril shouted, blowing Sawyer's shields.

"Wanna bet asshole?" he muttered, shooting another barrier generator. That left only one and it was across the room with a dozen well armed guards in his way.

"Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!" Natalie said as if reading his thoughts, her sing-song voice coming in through his helmet. The fuck does that mean?

A guard in front of him fell to his knees, clutching at his throat as she nailed him in the throat with her sniper from across the room. It was a damn good shot especially she no-scoped him.

"Show off," Garrus growled, switching to his assault rifle and hitting a guard who poked his head out with a concussive round. "Oh yeah, suck on that!"

Natalie cloaked herself, applied cryo ammo to her weapon and gunned down a guard nearest the last barrier generator. Just as her cloak was disappearing two guards closed in on her six and Sawyer landed a head shot before swinging around at her cry when a guard grabbed her, pulling out a knife and sunk it into her thigh. When he yanked it out, blood spurted out at an alarming rate and immediately he knew that the guard had hit an artery.

"Nat!" Garrus cried, his sub-harmonics screaming in panic as the guard slid the knife between her ribs.

She elbowed the guard in the face, and stomped on his foot, grabbing his knife and in a swift movement she turned on the balls of her feat, with grace only dancers had, and slit his throat before closing her right eye and throwing the knife straight into his partner's head. Later Sawyer would question her expertise with a knife, but right now he was focused on getting to her and ending this fight. It landed right in between his eyes, which was more than just impressive, as she collapsed to the ground, scrambling to press her back against a wall of cover and rip her armor to dig her fingers into her thigh, grasping her artery to stop the bleeding.

Garrus reached her before he could and he shot the last generator. "Garrus, overload his shields," he said, finally reaching them and crouching beside them. "Nat, if you can, hit his ass with fire." He clamped her artery as he frantically ripped a thick piece of her suit off to make a tourniquet of sorts to staunch the bleeding. He snatched Garrus' sniper off his back as Garrus leaned down to make sure she was okay, his hands fluttering over her leg in worry.

"Take this you son of a bitch," Sawyer growled, pressing his right eye against the scope and exhaling as he squeezed the trigger. As he fell, the guards, miraculously, dispersed. She was pale, but she was alive and that was what mattered. "You good?" She nodded and as he stood he grabbed her hand and pulled her up. She lost her footing and fell against him, her face flushing in embarrassment when his arms automatically wrapped around her to steady her.

"Sorry," she muttered but he brushed it off and wrapped his arm around her waist so she could lean on him for support. She was soft against him and the male part of his brain wondered what she would feel like without any clothes, a brief image of her naked popped into his mind, but his rational side squashed it quickly especially at the look his best friend wore on his face. She seemed to have noticed it too and her arm tightened around his waist. She leaned her head against his shoulder and looked up at him with liquid emerald eyes that, once again, made him think dirty thoughts; damn his hormones. "You're really fit," she murmured. With his mandibles clenched against his jaw, Garrus stalked off ahead of them telling them he'd meet them at the door. Once he was out of earshot she frowned and loosened her grip on him.

What the hell am I missing?

_Gah, you're such a douche. She's trying to make him jealous. _

What? Why?

_Ask Garrus. _

She disappeared and he focused his attention on getting Jack.

As they came upon Jack he shot a merc as she was screaming at the window, her arms thrown up in the air as she looked at the Normandy. She stopped when she heard them, her stance changing from anger to fighting in an instant.

"What the hell do you want?" Sawyer raised his brows at her, his lips pulling back in a sneer.

"I just saved your fucking ass." She gave a shrug, her eyes darting to the Normandy and back to him.

"He was already dead. He just didn't know it. Now, again, what the fuck do you three want?" Natalie huffed in pain, swapping her weight from her bad leg to her good one as Garrus narrowed his eyes at the tattooed woman in front of them.

"I'm Shepard and I'm here to get you off this ship but I don't like you attitude."

"Fuck you. I don't know you from a hole in the ground, dickwad. Besides, you're Cerberus. I'm not going anywhere with you, pretty boy." So that's how she wanted to play it huh? Alright, he could work with stubborn and stupid.

"I'm offering to be your friend," he retorted before his pitched his voice low and menacing. "You _don't_ want to be my enemy." Nat sighed and fingered her shotgun, her bright eyes narrowing until they were hidden behind her dark lashes.

"Being his enemy is unhealthy. Change your tone or you'll be a bloody mess." Jack eyed her with detached interest, her eyes raking up and down her body with raised brow.

"Bring it on, bitch." In a blink of an eye Nat was on her, her fingers wrapped around Jack's throat and her pistol pressed against her temple. She was surprisingly fast given her injury and Sawyer had to admire her.

"I've seen things you can only imagine," Natalie whispered, her eyes never leaving Jack's. "I can kill you in a hundred different ways. I can blow your brains out against this window with my eyes closed and hack your implant so you can't do squat to me. You think you're tough, hardcore, a badass but what are you really?" Jack's large brown eyes stared at the woman in front of her, licking her plump lips as her body went slack and her breathing sped up.

Sawyer glanced at Garrus out of the corner of his eye. Good. It wasn't just him; Garrus was apparently as hot and bothered, aroused, at her attitude. He shook himself mentally but couldn't shake, once again, the understanding of why Garrus was so attracted to her and based on Jack's sudden change she was _definitely _attracted to her.

Nat's voice never wavered, her voice never going above a whisper and she leaned in, her lips barely a hair away from Jack's. Garrus coughed, shifting his weight, and Sawyer fought the urge to adjust his armor; she was somethin' else. "You're scared of Cerberus. Being scared is a weakness and it's exuding from you like water being squeezed out of a rag. I don't like your attitude."

"You're flying with Cerberus colors and wanna take me somewhere. You think I'm stupid?" Sawyer wanted to blurt out, "Yes" but refrained, Nat seemed to have a handle on the situation.

"We're offering to take you with us as this place goes up in flames and you're arguing," Nat said as she stepped away, holstering her weapon. "So what do you say?"

"Why are we still standing here?"


End file.
